Evan and Andy Dubbya play hardball with Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz. Well, Duritz couldn’t actually be reached for interview, so his responses to our questions are cobbled together from out-of-context quotes from the band’s mid-90’s classic “Recovering the Satellites.” Known mainly for its long Decembers, most people are unfamiliar with this album’s fondness for something and profound dislike for something else.

obviate media: Hey Adam.
Adam Duritz: Hey Romeo.
OM: What’s the weather like where you are?
AD: It’s one more night in Hollywood. It’s getting cold in California. Somewhere out in America, it’s starting to rain. Anyway, this change I’ve been feeling doesn’t make the rain fall. No big differences these days
OM: Have you been up long?
AD: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 a.m.
OM: So, what are your plans for today?
AD: I might just stay inside again today. I don’t go out much these days. Yes sometimes I stay inside all day.
OM: I don’t think I could handle that, it would drive me nuts.
AD: What a big baby.
OM: Okay…so, what is something that everyone should know about Adam Duritz?
AD: I know there’s little things about me
OM: Well, that’s true, but…well, tell us about your family.
AD: I am a fortunate son. My sister’s mother’s favorite son. Margery’s dreaming of horses. She takes her pills.
OM: Your last album, “Hard Candy,” was a lot happier than the reset of the music you’ve released.
AD: We couldn’t all be cowboys. So some of us are clowns. Some of us are dancers on the midway.
OM: What were you listening to when you recorded that album?
AD: Got Ben Folds on my radio right now. Like sometimes when I hear myself on the radio.
OM: Hmm…what if we came over to your place to listen to some Ben Folds later?
AD: You won’t find nobody home.
OM: No? Where are you now?
AD: Where am I going?
OM: No, where are you now?
AD: Where’d you come from?
OM: We’re from Chicago.
AD: I’ve been to Boston before.
OM: Well that’s nice, but it really has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.
AD: Hey monkey, when you gonna show your face around me?
OM: Adam…are you hitting on us?
AD: I heard you let somebody get their fingers into you. Did you come? I wish you were inside of me…Come on give me your white skin.
OM: Jesus, that’s the kind of statements that make people like us need years of therapy.
AD: I said that I would pay for them. If you think that I could be forgiven…I wish you would.
OM: It’s okay, no worries.
AD: I will not be an enemy of anything.
OM: Well, that’s good to know. So, what do you do while the Crows aren’t touring?
AD: It’s a lifetime commitment, recovering the satellites.
OM: Is that really a job though?
AD: I’ve been through all this shit before.
OM: Okay. We’ve never actually recovered satellites, so we’ll take your word for it.
AD: Maybe this year will be better than the last.
OM: Well, we’re certainly hoping so. Where do you typically go to find satellites in need of recovery?
AD: Just the same old walkways.
OM: The same ones every time? Doesn’t that get old?
AD: It’s melting my bones.
OM: Couldn’t you try looking somewhere else?
AD: Where’s the funhouse this year?
OM: Well, enough about work. Let’s talk about something happier. What makes you happy?
AD: The smell of hospitals in winter and the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters, but no pearls.
OM: You’re just not a very happy person, are you?
AD: No.
OM: Do you have any messages for any of our other obviate staffers?
AD: Nicole’s my oldest friend. Someday I’m going to stay, but not today. I will wait for you in Baton Rouge.
OM: Aww that’s very nice of you.
AD: Could you tell me the things you remember about me?
OM: I suppose…it’s cold and possibly raining where you are, you’re listening to Ben Folds but not at your place. You don’t like the work you have to do when you’re not on tour, you’re not a happy person, and you will occasionally make very inappropriate remarks in conversation. Did we get it right?
AD: I can’t remember the last thing that you said.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 4th, 2007 at 12:02 am and is filed under Album Reviews, Evan Hearts The 90's, Hero Worship, Profiles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.