The alarm goes off. Eyes open. Time to connect. Turn left. Grab iPhone. Check e-mail. There’s a lot. Better go to computer. Turn on computer. Open iChat. Go to e-mail. Respond to e-mail. News sites carry a breaking story. Turn on TV. Log on to Facebook. Approve friend requests. Three new photos tagged. Deny. Message in Inbox? Nothing important. Skim over. Check wall. Two links posted. Wait till later. Go to Twitter. Three @replies. Phone buzzes. Two text messages. Phone rings. Take the call. Hang up. Check message board. Respond to direct messages and posts in threads. Repeat all of this over again, all day long.
This is my life, every day of the week, all year round. No breaks. Ever.
My connectivity is making me paranoid.
The strange thing about this way of life is how it took over my being in the first place. Although the memories are a bit fuzzy and distant now, I can still remember the time before cell phones and internet access was so available. Now, I wonder what I’d do without it.
I have an interesting relationship with my cell phone. I never knew that it could make me so anxious. It’s a simple metal box that completely dominates my thoughts – the personification of my fears, teasing me with it’s display and keypad. Waiting for a phone call or text message is critical. If I don’t hear back instantaneously, I get very angry. Why do I have such a short fuse? Has it really come to the point that my brain can’t process normal human waiting time?
It doesn’t end. It’s a constant stream of multimedia and text that’s not really serving me any real purpose. It’s poisoning my thoughts and rewiring my brain.
Since I’ve signed up for social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, I’ve noticed that I’m finding it more difficult to think linearly. Writing pieces like this are a little bit harder than they were say when I was in high school or the beginning of college. My brain is telling me I need to break things down simpler. Chop my sentences. Make it easier for public consumption.
…And I just did it right there.
The thoughts going my head are positively ludicrous. What are these sites? Why do they want my information and photos? Is it a government conspiracy? Who gets to see this information – more important, what are they doing for it? Am I part of a major advertising campaign in a third world country and not getting paid for it? I want to know!
Despite some early follies as most people have, I’ve committed to not sharing too much personal details information on those megasites. They don’t need to know that much about me – and quite frankly, nor does anyone else. I don’t care about you having to get up early, and I certainly don’t care about this:
Seriously? Give me a fucking break. What’s next? Tweeting your bowel movements? Just watch – someone will find a creative way to do it. I can’t wait for the #poop hash tag.
If I want to share anything overly detailed, I’ll do it here. I purchased this space. It’s mine. I control what I do with the information. Not someone else.
Regardless, It’s all exhausting. Since I’ve been out of school and not working on a regular basis, I’ve had an extraordinary amount of free time. This is the worst possible thing because I’ll spend all day repeating the cycle . The hours melt away like new snow when the ground is too warm, and I don’t even notice.
I decided that I have to allocate time each day to completely disconnect. I turn the screen saver on the computer, turn off the TV and put the cell phone somewhere out of my view. Sometimes I’ll just lay there, but even that’s that’s difficult. Silence feels unnatural now. I’ve had periods where I haven’t been able to go to bed without music playing I’ve been going to the local library to get books to read. I figure, if I need something to keep my mind busy, it better not be vapid junk like gossip blogs or petulant hipster music criticism.
I don’t think there’s really a way to escape this way of life completely. I think it’s going to get worse, and culture as a whole is going to become a lot less intelligent. We’re setting dangerous standards for future generations. Something like what Mike Judge envisioned for the future in Idiocracy may someday become a reality. The movie is a brilliant satire, but the result of humanity being dumbed down over decades isn’t. It’s fucking terrifying.
If I were to close down all of my accounts, I’d feel like I’d be missing out on the greater conversation. There’s a small silver lining in the middle of all of the garbage. Also, there are great tools available to promote sites like these. That’s important to me, because I want people to see the content we all showcase here.
It’s also important for me not to get swallowed by all of this. I admit, I’m probably somewhere on the losing spectrum of this battle right now, but at least I’m able to identify the problem. I don’t think that a good part of the general public can even do that.
Now, if you’d excuse me, someone just Tweeted about eating Doritos.
I better get back to that.
